The first therapist was more faith/spirit minded. Im 10 and all of this has happend to me. I'm seeing a Dietrition soon to fix my diet and sustain the body I'm building. Also, disassociate from your family. I got to see them again after a month. and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. i have no time to relax. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. I am 49 female, raised by a longshoreman, and an elementary school community aid. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. No one to turn to. They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. I then became a parent while my mom went out partying and drinking. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. Truth. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. I have never been allowed to go out and have fun with my friends and I am 14. (I am also more fair skinned than anyone in the family but I look just like my dad who is the one I get my fairness from, mind you. POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. I should be homeless, rather dead because I wouldn't pan handle I'd just wander off in the woods. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! (I am seventy-four.). Answer: Your family situation is toxic. My mom didn't even practice with me. I've had my body taken advantage of multiple times by multiple people. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. :). I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. I've always been drawn to acting or maybe comedy, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd make a good bad guy. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. I sing and do it very well. What iconic squad matches you and your besties? God bless. Family doesn't mean blood all the time. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. Please, help me. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. I thought they were going to kill me. I want to have my family but not if it means I am going to be reminded of how I am basically a let down because I want to be myself. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. Disassociate from such toxic parents. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. Not to even mention my life outside work. I bombed the second time around, nerves. But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. Pls I need a word of encouragement from u. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. That was an example of parental alien affection .., learned this in divorce law how parents pitnchildren against parents.. thats wrong and cruel .. I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. Both my parents are like this. Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. They are abusive & toxic. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Trying to navigate through one's own life and become independent and happy while one's parents harass you with their expectations, agendas and emotional manipulation - to fulfill their own paternal and maternal desires and dreams - should be a focus for the World Health Organisation. I'm so depressed right now. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their kids to succeed even though they may have different ideas and aspirations for success. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. This all rings so true. Disassociate from your mother. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. Anxiety In Teenagers: What Should Teens And Parents Know? My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 03, 2018: Please seek counselling. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. Each child is unique. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. People help themselves. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. WOW!! I am stuck, I am frustrated. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." I feel like to some degree, it is nice that parents are pushy about grades but to another, it can be excessive and it sounds like maybe what you are dealing with is on the verge of way too excessive. It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). I believe in you and I don't even know you! My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. I can't even have a sleepover. However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. Since I was 20, I've been living with my grandmother who has Alzheimers. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Find other relatives who love & care for you. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. If you want to tell them how you feel but cant do it in a conversation, write it in a note. My mother never was used to hugs or praising. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. It was how my mom and dad were raised. One day, your parents won't be there and you wish they were. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. Many parents fail to realize this. So I was destined to be a servant. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! Your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence. A family counselling session is needed. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. But, now I am older and see the world different. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . But I runs in the family I guess. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. I'm unfortunately still with my family. But would be a beauty if I had confidence. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. Question: Why did my dad always make me feel like I'm dependent, that I need help with money, and that I can't do anything without him? I already told God and I know he's already helping me. There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. now i just have depression wherever i go. Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. they are the only things i would care for. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. 1. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. They never practiced with me. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. Ready to get your read on? Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." No child should suffer. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. You and your mother need joint counseling. Click HERE to win them all! I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. Sick of It. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. The Addams FamilymeetsThe Westing Gamein this exhilarating adventure about a modern magical dynasty trapped in the ruins of their formerly grand, but now crumbling, ancestral home. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. One thing I can't believe is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e. Any responsibilities they didn't want fell on me. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Dear Carol, Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. Here are a few: Unfortunately, many of us had parents who were critical of us and ruined our self-esteem from an early age. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. For example, like going to school. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. Money isn't common for me. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. What NOT to do if you are the parent of a college student. Not only will your parents be pleased, but youll feel good about it too. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. i really dont know what to do at this point, it seems the only way ill get out of this is by dying and im really close to doing it. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 25, 2018: Follow YOUR dreams, your mother is a soul destroying person. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. Shes caused me to have depression and take part in self harm. Avoid them! After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). Or maybe comedy, I love you all because you feel but I rather not a opportunity to.. 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