What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? He says theyre way off base. Lou Costello: Im paying you on account. Librarians know everythingtheyre so resourceful. Lou Costello: Thats right. I can tell you like meyou keep checking me out. Because all his uncles were ants. It had too many sleepless knights. The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. More Cat Puns. A. A Maybe, What do you call a pig that does karate? and 37. Writers are always cold because theyre surrounded by so many drafts. 7. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. All of us in the waiting room let out a collective groan and secretly hoped we would have him as our triage nurse. Tom: gives answer I lost my case. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? (Sorry.) With a pair of Ceasars. Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis. 45. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. Music Puns; Erin Cossetta 135,694; Puns. 82.65 % / 325 votes. Microwaves, How does an attorney sleep? I accept my dad joke fate. 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I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals! Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Could a librarian be called a bookkeeper? Add 2. For example, "The incredulous cat said you've got to be kitten me right meow! Why does nobody talk to circles? The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called. What do cats eat for breakfast? But it was just a Fanta sea, When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic, Will glass coffins be a success? Please forgive my corny puns. It gives them square roots. Word play: Word play or wordplay (also: play-on-words) is a literary technique and a form of wit in which words used become the main subject of the work, primarily . You planet. He then asked us, "So if you have 5Q and then 5 more Q, how many do you have? We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr), My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. Me: Well, did you know that 43 can only be evenly divided by 1 and itself. What a waste of thyme. They were still arguing when the train hit them. She drew a scraggly 7, a rough 8, then began making a 10. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. ; List of forms of word play: This is a list of techniques used in word play.Techniques that involve the phonetic values of words Mondegreen: a mishearing (usually unintentional) . One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Here are more deez nuts jokes to make you laugh! This is getting worse all the time. "I thought the word 'Caesarean' began with the letter 'S' but when I looked in the dictionary, it was in the 'C' section." - Masai Graham. English critic and poet, Samuel Johnson once said of puns, "If I were punished for every pun I shed, there would not be left a puny shed of my punnish head.". Why was the actor afraid of the deer? Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. 10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that" Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Here are all the latest ant jokes and ant puns - no ant-iquated humor here! 8. 5. Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents? Now whats my seat number?. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. It gets the readers' attention because they must read it once more to really get the meaning. 2. You might surprise yourself and find that you have even more chemistry with those genres. Everest had quite the cliff-hanger. The timing changed to 12 PM as noon became synonymous in English with midday. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! A. I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I was in the waiting room of a small hospital this morning, with about 4-5 other people. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again! A: It wasn't peeling well, Q: What do you call a classy fish? But it was just a Fanta sea. Every day its Dublin. 13. You'll find homographs, which are defined as words that are spelled the same way but have different meanings, in homographic puns. 5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." I told her she forgot the 9. That book about Mt. 17. 4. 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I understand the joke, but cant see the pun. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Man asks widow if he can say a word at the funeral. She's always on the lookout for another slice of New York pizza and she's never met a Starbucks drink she doesn't like. Today in Advanced Microfabrication, we were talking about diffusion into silicon. Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on. 45 math puns that are better than pi itself, A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is, No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be, After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally, Always trust a glue salesman. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Teacher: So how do you set up this integral? I don't suffer from insanity. An example is the phrase 'come to dust' in a song from Shakespeare's Cymbeline: 'Golden lads and girls all must, / As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.'" Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. Theres no menu - you get what you deserve. 200 Hilarious Jokes For Teens And Tweens. "Make me one with everything." 2. From pitches to bats, we've got the funniest plays on words in the game. Surprisingly, eggs aren't just for inspiring puns, they also make vital centerpieces to egg-squisite breakfasts and brunches. Answer: Ration. Read up on our best puns ever including our word puns and youll be punstoppable. Books, reading, and writing can all provide the best inspiration for puns and jokesand turn words on their heads to give them a whole new meaning. 11. You can only ran, because it's past tents. 3. Why was the baby ant confused? I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience. Should have been watching it better. Isn't that where all the fruit is? Whats the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle anda well-dressed man on a bicycle? 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I said to my best friend The words cant describe how beautiful you are! Catterbrains Check his vi- tail signs Longitude and cat -itude. It really made waves when I came home with it! What do you call an alligator in a vest? by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes, I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, Whats happening? A mall officer replied, These people are waiting to get A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. Error occurred when generating embed. They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. She's not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better. Sometimes in life, it's good to try and have little fun with some silly wordplay. Im on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. Hilarious Puns to Get Your Friend Laughing Best Life I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on. 47. A pun is a joke that makes a play on words. Bud Abbott: I cant help it if you cant handle your finances. Three times 7 went to 21's compound. 2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. He was chasing his tale. My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. She commented, "that's an odd amount." Why did Adele cross the road? My best friend just told me she doesnt like Lord of the Rings, but she definitely doesnt know what shes Tolkien about. For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. For those that don't get it, it's Avogadro's constant, whose value is: 6.02214110^23. He goes up to podium and says "plethora". "Tiny," says the lizard. Are monsters good at math? 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